Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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