just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
what is it with giant penises always finding me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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