I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
