look no pants
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish there were birth control emojis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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