On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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