As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
