so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
