the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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