can we get nightvision for the apartment?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
