after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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