i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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