Only a mothe r could love this liver
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
