i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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