Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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