Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
