everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
