**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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