After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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