shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
