You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
