I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
