I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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