This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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