Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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