Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
