dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
