those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize