So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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