...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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