I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
