he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
