Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
