my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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