So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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