my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
