If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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