D3 body, D1 cock
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
