he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
