the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
