I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
