it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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