All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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