now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
