My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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