Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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