I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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