Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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