I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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