Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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