This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh god the rape fog is back!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
