giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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