i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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