It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
