Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
