Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
