dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
