Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
