I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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