She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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