Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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