I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
