mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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