Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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