Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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