I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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