I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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