Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
