...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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