sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
