Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
