I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
