This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
