I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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