I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
