Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
as a side note pls kill me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
