you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
