Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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