I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
