they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
