Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
