Who did Billy Mays play for?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
