If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
