That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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