I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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