It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
