just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
