I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
